ouch. so this is life. so bleak, so painful, so melancholic?
no.. dat wasn't my past perspective of life. how did my view on life change so dramatically? i have no idea. im starting to wonder.. wads my purpose in life. am i even alive inside me? i feel so dead, so numb and so fake. everything seems so surreal to me.. maybe it would be a blessing in disguise to awake and find myself in a dream.. or probably, i should slash my wrist, to see the blood.. to noe im actually alive.. to noe im actually real..
well, maybe death or killing myself can't help much cos im already dead inside.. wads the difference? all the tears every night, im so tired of it. and though laugh everyday and claims dat "life is wonderful..", wad does it shows? no one knows the sadness within.. no one knows im dead inside. everyone thinks im a happy lil ger whos contented with her life.. she has frens, sisters, wadever, lots of them.... wad else matters? but. wad about the love? the kinda warmth pple will feel when they go home.. y don't i feel anything at all?! oh, i forgot. im dead inside. theres no more live in me. how much i yearn for things i can never have.. im 15 yet im so restricted..
death really makes no difference..
im already dead inside me..

my life.. wads with my life?
something terribly wrong is with it.. i don noe wads got into me but i suddenly hate my family, my home alot. hey wait. did i say "family" n "home"??? im sorry. its too nice a word to describe them.. i don even feel like im goin back to a nice n lovely home anymore.. and the pple in here are all fucked up.. i cant believe im saying this but i hate them. all of them.. the problem doesn't lies with me. its all of you who are lunatic. this ain't a home. its a prison. and a cold one at that. no love, no nothing. i feel so trapped and isolated here. this sucks. my room has thus become my cell.. im all alone in a cell.. the empty cell.. a place to hide my sorrows.. i feel so vacant.
and who will be there to save me if i fall apart someday..?

- e m p t i n e s s -